We are facing the separation issue for the girls. They will be 7 in October (OMG!), and in first grade. They were in separate preschool classes for a year when they were three. Since then they have been in the same class, two more preschool years and this kindergarten year.
I wasn't giving it much thought, I just figured separate classes for next year was the way to go. But then Steve raised some interesting and valid reasons to keep them together.
A little background....they are fraternal, not identical. They look nothing alike. I mean, if they were in a room together I wouldn't even pick them out as siblings. This year their classmates didn't know for months they were siblings (they don't use last names frequently in their class) until the teacher pointed it out. They often dress in different clothes, although I buy their stuff in pairs but different colors. Some days they still do dress in the same shirts but not often enough to make a difference since Allison decided she is the fashion picker-outer.
Angelina is outgoing but socially immature. She's quirky. She has delays but most are social. Cognitively she is smart as a whip. I always fall back on that statement. She is showing more and more signs of having issues. I don't mention it because there really isn't anything screaming at me to. She's fun and quirky. Silly and sweet. She's also babied and I've tried to stop doing that so much. Sometimes, I'm not sure if her inabilities are due to me babying her or actually to her abilities. She's quick to give up, loves to talk to herself non-stop, spin in circles and shove things up her nose. She can remember lines from movies she's seen years ago and loves to play video games all day if I let her. A test to my patience, for sure.
Allison is a shy, socially mature little princess. She loves to dress up in what I call her stripper clothes (and no, I don't say that in front of her). One day she's princess at the dinner table in full princess get-up, the next night it's her swingy, flowing black dress and make-up that would fit in on 8 mile. She is dependable, precise and a do-er. She's the best parts of me and Steve with her own sassy attitude thrown in for good measure. And she has my non-existent memory which makes for interesting conversations about things she should know yet can't remember!
At the beginning of the school year they depended upon each other a fair amount. Nothing excessive. Their teacher kept them at separate tables until this current card marking. In April they'll probably be at different tables again. They didn't have any fighting incidents that were held over from home life. They were more than willing to go to class when the other was sick. But they will pick each other over the other students. It happened last year that way too. It didn't matter how much space separated them, if the teacher calls for them to find a pal to pair up with....they search for each other. But wouldn't we all do that if we had a twin in the room at such a young age?
So the question is up for discussion in our house. I feel separating them will give their independence a chance to bloom and they will still be able to search each other out at lunch or recess. Steve is leaning towards keeping them together to foster their dependence on each other. He wants them to be friends forever. Is it right to push them together or allow them to make friends outside of each other?
And then Angelina's quirkiness comes in. Allison shows signs of being that popular, cheerleader, cool kid. I don't mean to exaggerate here or sound like a snob, but she's the pretty blond girl in the room that the boys will notice (and already have to my chagrin). I was not that person in high school but I can see it coming from her already at age 6. Angelina might not be in the same crowd. So do we force them together so that one doesn't get left behind and gets included in the same clique, even though her social status would not be that way if she wasn't a twin?
Anyone remember the movie The Other Sister? Sometimes we wonder if that is our future reality and we just don't know it yet? Those of you who know us outside of the computer may think I'm a crackhead right now. But I just think there's got to be something to it if we both had these thoughts and only recently voiced them to each for the first time ever. But I know that Angelina is not Allison's responsibility and vice versa. Just because they were lucky enough to be born together, is that enough to set them up such exclusivity?
Can't I just try to mold all three of my children to realize that they are a unit. Them against the world kind of thing? I don't have that kind of relationship with all of my four siblings. Three of us are close and the other two are on the outskirts of no relationship with us. I try to tell my kids that it's a cruel world out there and they should do their best to stick together and be nice to each other as much as possible. Our home should never be a place for cruelty when they'll each face it out in the real world more than I would like. But is that enough? And will they hold on to that basis when they are teens and it becomes more important than it is now?
I don't know where we'll go with the separation issue. I'm leaning towards still separating. I had actually told the school to place them in separate classes for next year. But I can always switch that if Steve and I decide to.
Any thoughts?
I wasn't giving it much thought, I just figured separate classes for next year was the way to go. But then Steve raised some interesting and valid reasons to keep them together.
A little background....they are fraternal, not identical. They look nothing alike. I mean, if they were in a room together I wouldn't even pick them out as siblings. This year their classmates didn't know for months they were siblings (they don't use last names frequently in their class) until the teacher pointed it out. They often dress in different clothes, although I buy their stuff in pairs but different colors. Some days they still do dress in the same shirts but not often enough to make a difference since Allison decided she is the fashion picker-outer.
Angelina is outgoing but socially immature. She's quirky. She has delays but most are social. Cognitively she is smart as a whip. I always fall back on that statement. She is showing more and more signs of having issues. I don't mention it because there really isn't anything screaming at me to. She's fun and quirky. Silly and sweet. She's also babied and I've tried to stop doing that so much. Sometimes, I'm not sure if her inabilities are due to me babying her or actually to her abilities. She's quick to give up, loves to talk to herself non-stop, spin in circles and shove things up her nose. She can remember lines from movies she's seen years ago and loves to play video games all day if I let her. A test to my patience, for sure.
Allison is a shy, socially mature little princess. She loves to dress up in what I call her stripper clothes (and no, I don't say that in front of her). One day she's princess at the dinner table in full princess get-up, the next night it's her swingy, flowing black dress and make-up that would fit in on 8 mile. She is dependable, precise and a do-er. She's the best parts of me and Steve with her own sassy attitude thrown in for good measure. And she has my non-existent memory which makes for interesting conversations about things she should know yet can't remember!
At the beginning of the school year they depended upon each other a fair amount. Nothing excessive. Their teacher kept them at separate tables until this current card marking. In April they'll probably be at different tables again. They didn't have any fighting incidents that were held over from home life. They were more than willing to go to class when the other was sick. But they will pick each other over the other students. It happened last year that way too. It didn't matter how much space separated them, if the teacher calls for them to find a pal to pair up with....they search for each other. But wouldn't we all do that if we had a twin in the room at such a young age?
So the question is up for discussion in our house. I feel separating them will give their independence a chance to bloom and they will still be able to search each other out at lunch or recess. Steve is leaning towards keeping them together to foster their dependence on each other. He wants them to be friends forever. Is it right to push them together or allow them to make friends outside of each other?
And then Angelina's quirkiness comes in. Allison shows signs of being that popular, cheerleader, cool kid. I don't mean to exaggerate here or sound like a snob, but she's the pretty blond girl in the room that the boys will notice (and already have to my chagrin). I was not that person in high school but I can see it coming from her already at age 6. Angelina might not be in the same crowd. So do we force them together so that one doesn't get left behind and gets included in the same clique, even though her social status would not be that way if she wasn't a twin?
Anyone remember the movie The Other Sister? Sometimes we wonder if that is our future reality and we just don't know it yet? Those of you who know us outside of the computer may think I'm a crackhead right now. But I just think there's got to be something to it if we both had these thoughts and only recently voiced them to each for the first time ever. But I know that Angelina is not Allison's responsibility and vice versa. Just because they were lucky enough to be born together, is that enough to set them up such exclusivity?
Can't I just try to mold all three of my children to realize that they are a unit. Them against the world kind of thing? I don't have that kind of relationship with all of my four siblings. Three of us are close and the other two are on the outskirts of no relationship with us. I try to tell my kids that it's a cruel world out there and they should do their best to stick together and be nice to each other as much as possible. Our home should never be a place for cruelty when they'll each face it out in the real world more than I would like. But is that enough? And will they hold on to that basis when they are teens and it becomes more important than it is now?
I don't know where we'll go with the separation issue. I'm leaning towards still separating. I had actually told the school to place them in separate classes for next year. But I can always switch that if Steve and I decide to.
Any thoughts?
2 comments:
I just have so many thoughts about this that I don't know where to start. Yet I have so much crap due for class, that I can't get too into it right now. So here are my basic points in a nutshell to be disussed later: (as we have discussed in the past as well)
1) Equality. Easy to say, sometimes hard to do in all situations. Equal rewards, punishment, time, ect.
2) Popularity. Is it that great to have a popular kid? I think I fear it. We turned out just fine NOT being "cool", right?
3) Time apart is important. Yet the bond they share since conception is special and vital.
Nutshell: I have no idea. It is something you and Steve get the joy of deciding on your own.
I do have one thought though: schools generally try to seperate twins fairly early on. They almost insist on it, don't they? I understand what the reasons are, yet I almost think that schools are wrong 90% of the time. So part of me is thinking: why do we have to break the stong bonds that our children have? The conspiracy theory part in me thinks its almost like divide and conquer at as young of an age that they can.....
No one knows what's best for your kids but you and your husband. It is always wise to get others input but the final decision is always yours. Don't you wish you could see the future? I know as a parent there are many things I'd do differently but you have to think you did as well as you could and out of love. Good Luck! You'll do just fine--your kids are loved.
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