I'm sinking into blah-ness. Isn't that a nice way to start out this post?
It's true. I've been motivated and moving through the days with a purpose from May right up until the kids went back to school last week. And then I just started to sink. I'm not answering my phone, which is so not like me. Not checking email. Not doing much of anything that doesn't involve sitting on the couch or going to work for a few hours each night. I'm not returning calls, not wanting to really do anything during the week. If I'm home alone I'm on the couch vegging with the TV and my fuzzy blanket. I have it timed perfectly to how much time I can spend on the couch until I have to absolutely get my ass up and shower before getting the kids. Down to the minute.
Thoughts are coming to the surface about my mom that I didn't let myself think about. I'm crying a lot. I'm trying to stuff those thoughts back down but then I just let them surface. It's been almost 8 months. Why am I freaking out worse now that I was before?
We had chaos, months and months of chaos. And now we just have our normal every day lives. And I get slapped in the face with it every day. She's not here. She's gone. And I miss her.
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Blah
Posted by Jen at 11:19 AM
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1 comments:
Hi Jen, I'm sorry you are feeling bad. I still have days when I let the loss of my parents get to me but my Mom told me I would just be feeling sorry for myself because she was o.k. I still want to call her and tell her when something happens in my life but she already knows. Moms and Dads will always be there for their kids if they just listen. Love does not die. You are not alone with those feelings but we have to find the happiness that our parents would like us to have. Our children, the love of our better halfs and all our relatives and friends, life is good and we have to live every day as best we can. I know I as a Mom would want that for my kids. Look at the stars, watch your kids play, enjoy the time with your husband. You can visit your Dad and give him hugs. He misses your Mom too. Life is sweet. It is our fault if we don't make the most of it. Love, Barb
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